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Forfatter Emne: Vittighedstråden  (Læst 34596 gange)

0 Medlemmer og 2 Gæster læser dette emne.

Offline mads-wm3

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« Svar #105 Dato: Oktober 14, 2009, 12:51:38 pm »
0
faldt også lige over en til ^^

<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

Offline Tedeschi

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« Svar #106 Dato: Oktober 14, 2009, 01:07:24 pm »
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haha , den er squ meget god :P

Offline Camelo

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Sv: Vittighedstråden
« Svar #107 Dato: Oktober 14, 2009, 01:18:12 pm »
0
faldt også lige over en til ^^

<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

Haha, det er satme sjovt ;D

Offline Shorty

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« Svar #108 Dato: November 01, 2009, 04:15:46 pm »
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Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Offline LLikdaor

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« Svar #109 Dato: November 01, 2009, 04:51:08 pm »
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Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Like! :D Den bruger jeg næste gang nogen siger noget jeg spiser/gør er usundt.
Men ja many pictures! Lige som første år hvor der var alle mulige nice billeder af snaps og Mikkels testikler!
BattleTag: LLikdaor#2123

Offline MonsterPool

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« Svar #110 Dato: November 02, 2009, 11:59:46 pm »
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Hvad sker der hvis man smider en racercykel ud fra 9ende etage i Voldsmose???




Den bliver totalt skrællet inden den når jorden... :)

Offline SKT

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« Svar #111 Dato: November 03, 2009, 12:26:30 am »
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http://bash.org/ er en fremragende side.
Her er nogle af mine favoritter, hvis ikke de alle har været postet.


[frank] can you help me install GTA3?
[knightmare] first, shut down all programs you aren't using
- frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
[knightmare] ...



[NHBoy] I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :(
[rycool] ...
[NHBoy] I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
[NHBoy] Oh well, time to buy new strings.




[Mendo] lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
[spitfire] haha mendo
[spitfire] take a screen shot
[spitfire] wait
[spitfire] that made no sense




[by] Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
[Seven7] Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
[by] Kk
[by] I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
[by] ?
[by] Now what?
[Seven7] Don't worry. It's done




[Mootar] morons.
random girl: hey! me: ...hi? me: who is this? random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace random girl: ur hot me: thanks random girl: np me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her me: what should I do? random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing me: oh alright me: I have to go me: my mom is kicking me off me: bye * Quits: crag-- (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no) * Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk ) <@ShowDowN> that is sick <@ShowDowN> we should ban him next time he comes in <@nekro> yeah, who the hell goes for walks theres a new technology place in my city and i know a couple of dudes who are gonna steal some tv's from it...some sony 45inch flat panel hdtv plasma diplay tv's seriously i'm gonna get one for cheap ass fuck as lol lol lol [Mootar] these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
[Mootar] they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
[Mootar] unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
[Mootar] long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer




[@Chin^] My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
[@Chin^] just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
[@Chin^] So she calls me a pervert again?!?
[@Chin^] there is no justice in the world...




[Sui88] 67% of girls are stupid
[V-girl] i belong with the other 13%




[WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs] i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
[XeNoX] Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.




[anamexis] oh man
[anamexis] I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
[anamexis] and it exploded
[anamexis] ALMOST all over my keyboard
[anamexis] but I got it away just in time
>-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
[anamexis] :<




[DeadMansHand] haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
[DeadMansHand] we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
[DeadMansHand] took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
[DeadMansHand] i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
[DeadMansHand] What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
[Thirteen-] uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
[DeadMansHand] holy fuck.
[DeadMansHand] i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
[DeadMansHand] im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
[DeadMansHand] if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
[Thirteen-] will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
[Tyran] wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
[Thirteen-] haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
[PeteRepeat] fucking ken
[PeteRepeat] ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
[quiqsilver] pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
[PeteRepeat] oh fuck.
[PeteRepeat] if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
[Thirteen-] rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
[Tyran] i can't beleive how perfect their timing was




[tokenshi] does anyone seriously use realplayer anymore?
[mef] yes
[Freddie] I thought they died :o
[RvLeshrac] They're doing extraordinarily well
[tokenshi] i believe i still have an audio clip buffering from 1999 in realplayer




[Zybl0re] get up
[Zybl0re] get on up
[Zybl0re] get up
[Zybl0re] get on up
[phxl|paper] and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
[[SA]HatfulOfHollow] i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet




< NES > lol
< NES > I download something from Napster
< NES > And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
< NES > I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
< NES > "getting my song back fucker"




bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something




mage what should I give sister for unzipping?
Kevyn Um. Ten bucks?
mage no I mean like, WinZip?




i8b4uUnderground d-_-b
BonyNoMore how u make that inverted b?
BonyNoMore wait
BonyNoMore never mind




[t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
[BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
[BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
[BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
[BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
[BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
[BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
[BlackAdder> IN FACT
[BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
[BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
[BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
[t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
[CRCError> right
[heartless> Right.
[r3v> right




[mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
[Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
[mage> no I mean like, WinZip?




Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...




*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
Anubis> what fraud?
Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
Anubis> no?
Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://www.tubgirl.com
Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'




MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
goatboy> what?
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> er?
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> and?
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> ...
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> i dont get it
MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
goatboy> bastard




what does your robot do, sam
it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls



(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.
The S K T

Kæmpe credit til MP & Camelo for det kæmpe arbejde de udfører <3
Pt. ingen Battle.net aktivitet.

Offline Znuggle

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« Svar #112 Dato: November 03, 2009, 01:04:26 am »
0
Har set, og grint sindssygt meget af dem allesammen, bash er nok den sjoveste side der findes ;)
*Glukose

Offline Shorty

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« Svar #113 Dato: November 27, 2009, 07:50:54 pm »
0
The Secretary of Defense is briefing President Bush on Iraq. "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!"
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Offline Buchardt

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« Svar #114 Dato: November 27, 2009, 08:01:29 pm »
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True story,
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses.
She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said,

"We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

Offline mads-wm3

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« Svar #115 Dato: November 28, 2009, 03:26:30 pm »
0
True story,
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses.
She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said,

"We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

hahahaha ^^

Offline Buch

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« Svar #116 Dato: December 05, 2009, 02:41:05 am »
0
læste lige den her inde på df ^^

A man and a woman, who had never met before, and who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1 a.m., the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own F-ing blanket!"
After a brief moment of silence ... he farted.

www.penisland.net

Hate Lemming And Project Despise

Offline Weirdo

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« Svar #117 Dato: December 05, 2009, 02:35:09 pm »
0
<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

Edit:
<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
       Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
       in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
       whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
       telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
       then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
       they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
       Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
       business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
       added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
       so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
       the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
       yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
       demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
       very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
« Senest Redigeret: December 05, 2009, 02:37:44 pm af Weirdo »

Offline MonsterPool

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« Svar #118 Dato: December 14, 2009, 11:51:06 am »
0
Hvad er forskellen på Julemanden og Tiger Woods? :)
.
.
.
.
Julemanden stopper efter 3 ho's! ;D

Offline Shorty

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« Svar #119 Dato: December 14, 2009, 10:31:22 pm »
0
What's the difference between a goodyear tire, and 365 used rubbers?

Well, there's a good year, and then there's a great year ;D

 


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